Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Burn Pancakes podcast, the podcast where we absolutely love motherhood and are losing our minds at the same time.

I'm your host, Katie Fenske, and I remind moms that everyone burns their first pancake.

Now, today we're going to be talking about a stage of motherhood that doesn't really seem to get a lot of attention, and that is raising preteens.

Now, we can all agree that there are millions of books about babies, toddlers, even teenagers, but somehow those preteen years kind of sneak up on us.

One day, you're cutting grapes in half and tying shoes, and the next, your kid is all of a sudden, suddenly almost as tall as you.

spending hours in their bedroom, calling you bruh, and responding to every single request with in a sec.

It's honestly like such a weird transition of motherhood, one that kind of stuck up on me and I don't think I was prepared for.

I mean, let's face it, I'm not prepared for any of these phases, but it kind of took me by surprise and I'm feeling like I just don't know what the heck I'm doing right now.

As moms, we're used to our kids needing us.

We spend years wishing we could pee alone, dreaming of just a little peace and quiet, hoping for five uninterrupted minutes.

And then one day we get exactly what we're asking for, except it doesn't feel quite the way we imagined.

Instead of someone following us around into the bathroom, they're following us with eye rolls.

Instead of asking us to play Legos, they're asking if they can stay home while the rest of the family goes somewhere else.

Instead of wanting to cuddle on the couch, they're upstairs in their room with their door closed, headphones on, doing who knows what by themselves, not wanting to be interrupted.

Somehow overnight, they've developed like an entirely new language.

So.

Today, we're talking all about surviving and actually enjoying the preteen years.

I'm going to help you decode this gen alpha slang that they're saying, laugh about some of the bizarre things our kids say, and hopefully remind ourselves that while this stage does feel very unfamiliar, it's also a really special time with our kids.

So grab some coffee, hide from your own preteen if necessary, and let's dive in.

Now, one of the big things that caught me off guard about having a preteen is realizing that they simply don't want to be around us anymore.

Before anyone panics, I know that's totally developmentally appropriate.

I know they're supposed to becoming more independent.

I know they're figuring out who they are and all the psychology behind it and how their brains are developing.

But knowing it...

And feeling it are two totally different things.

Because I remember when I was the center of my son's universe, he wanted me to build forts.

He wanted me to play Legos with him.

He wanted me to catch every single trick he learned.

He wanted me to watch him jump in the pool.

Everything was like, mom, watch this.

Mom, look.

Mom, come here.

Mom, come play.

And now he's home from school over the summer.

And it just seems like he wants to be left alone.

He wants to be in his room.

He wants his headphones on.

He's kind of like wanting to not be around.

It's like witnessing this weird magic trick.

Sometimes he'll be in his room and I have to make sure like, are you still home or did you ride your bike around the neighborhood?

He usually just kind of like sits in there not wanting to do anything.

Would rather connect with his friends, which I understand.

But it just feels different.

And it feels like this stage came upon us so fast.

Family time is just automatically no more fun.

At the very beginning of summer, it was a Monday.

And they have this special at the bowling alley.

And I decided to take the boys.

And Maverick and Jet, almost nine and six years old, were like, yeah, let's go.

let's go bowling.

And Ronan was like, eh, no, eh, no.

And he honestly would rather be home.

I think Jake was working from home that day.

So he stayed home while we went bowling.

I remember when family items were exciting.

We didn't have to negotiate.

It was like, hey, let's go get ice cream.

And now it's like, do I have to?

Can I stay home?

How long is this going to take?

Can we meet my friends there?

Can I bring someone?

And I was like, excuse me, like it's ice cream.

It's so fun.

You used to love this stuff.

Apparently leaving his room or leaving his like little, well, we used to have a playroom and now it's his kind of like hangout area.

He needs like a formal invitation.

He didn't want to go to the movies with us.

We went swimming at the local pool.

He didn't want to do that.

And it's like, I'm trying not to take it personal.

Like, I understand this is the phase you're going through and we're not cool anymore.

But it just kind of happened all of a sudden and it feels really weird.

Now, speaking of Gen Alpha, I drove Ronan.

and three of his 12, maybe almost 13 -year -old friends to the mall the other day.

And I could not believe all of the stuff coming out of their mouths.

Number one, they are not quiet in the car.

By the time we got there, I was like, whoa, I need quiet.

But this whole new language they're speaking, side note, the bad words that they're saying too, I was like, really shocked by all of them.

Like not just my own kid, but I was like, all these kids and their language, like I had to say something like, hey boys, I've got young kids in the car.

Let's watch your language.

But anyways, half the time I didn't know what they were saying because this new Gen Alpha language.

It needs subtitles to understand it.

So today I'm going to help out all of you moms and I'm going to decode or translate all these words the kids are saying that we have no clue.

I look back to when I was a kid and I'm like, did we say that?

Like literally every other word is like, what does that mean?

What does that mean?

What is he saying?

And they talk like they're YouTubers the whole time.

But then I was like, what did we say back in like the 80s and 90s?

Were we like this?

And I could not come up with enough stuff that was equal to what they're saying.

So let me help you out a little bit and tell you what all these words are that they are saying that we might not understand.

Okay, here's the common one you may have heard.

Bra.

Bra is, or bro, is somehow every part of speech.

It could mean, really?

It could mean, ugh, you're embarrassing me.

It could mean, ugh, that's funny.

It can mean, I can't believe it.

It could mean, seriously?

It can mean, yes.

It can mean, no.

It can mean, what?

What'd you say?

Everything is, bro.

I can tell my son it's raining and he'd go, bro.

I can tell him dinner's ready and he'd say, bro.

I ask him to take out the trash and he goes, bro.

Sometimes, I honestly don't even know if it's a response or just, background noise at this point, it's like a reflex.

I am sure you have heard this with your kids if you have preteens.

Okay, the next one, I had to ask him to translate this for me.

When they say something is buns, apparently if something is buns, it's bad.

Like, oh, the Wi -Fi, buns.

Having to do homework, buns.

The food we had at lunch, totally buns.

Anything, it's not a good word.

It's something that's just not great.

The first time I heard it, I generally thought they were talking about buns.

And I'm like, hey, what are we doing?

We're talking about buns right now?

They were like, mom, you're so not cool.

Okay, and on that line, if they mention cheeks, which also means bad.

Again, I don't know why, where it came from.

I think of cute little buns and cute little cheeks, but that's not how they are thinking of it.

We were talking about a player on a baseball team.

He's like, oh, mom, he's cheeks.

And I'm like, cheeks?

Like, my cheeks?

I don't know.

He's like, no, mom, he's not very good.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

So I've accepted that my millennial brain simply wasn't designed for this new lingo.

Okay, another one that this one has been coming up a lot this summer that I've had to...

Learn what it means to decode it.

When they say twin, everyone is twin.

What's up, twin?

Come here, twin.

It doesn't mean that they're really twins or they're siblings.

They're not related, but apparently like saying bro or friend, it's just another way of saying that.

Like, what's up, twin?

Or, hey, twin, what's going on?

And then there are the words they don't even bother explaining anymore because they assume everyone knows.

I don't know.

It's weird.

But I do see them texting twin a lot, and I see them calling each other, yo, twin.

And I'm like, okay, so I don't think it's a bad thing.

It's just another way of saying, like, yo, dude, maybe?

That would be, like, the equivalent, if that helps.

A response I'm getting all the time from any request I have.

Can we please talk about the official response from preteens everywhere in a sec?

Hey, Ronan, go unload the disc rusher in a sec.

Can you set the table in a sec?

Go brush your teeth in a sec, which ends up not happening.

Put your shoes on.

We got to leave in a sec.

Now, I've discovered that.

In a sec doesn't actually mean in a second or in a minute.

It means I don't want to do it.

You're going to have to ask me 10 more times.

And then once you yell at me, maybe it'll happen.

It's less of a time frame.

It's more of a philosophy.

I'll do it later would be in a sec.

Sometimes I think they generally believe time works differently for them.

Meanwhile, as a mom, we're over here operating on like military precision.

We're leaving in five minutes.

I need everyone in the car.

Why are we still wearing socks with no shoes?

We're going to be late for practice.

And somehow they're still saying to me, in a sec.

Okay, this is another one.

I actually, my friend and I had to look this one up.

We were at a pool party and she overheard.

Like our boys are the same age.

They called each other chud.

And I have been hearing this for a while and trying to like use my context clues of let me hear the whole sentence and see if I can figure out what it means.

But she just went and Googled, what is a chud?

So the first time I heard my son call someone a chud, I was absolutely had no clue, but it also doesn't sound very good.

So I'm like, maybe this is not a good thing.

Apparently, it's basically a way of calling someone like weird or annoying or awkward or just kind of like a loser.

So it's not the best thing to be called a chud.

I have no idea who sat in a room and decided, you know what?

Let's start using the word chud to describe people.

But apparently, that's where we're at now.

And it's like, oh, you're such a chud.

Or don't be a chud.

Like he tells his brothers that a lot.

So it's just kind of like a loser or like.

He tried to explain it to me and I was like, I just need a good definition.

But it is fun when you reverse things on them.

And like the other day, Ronan was taking out his laundry and he dropped half of it down the hallway before putting it away.

And I had to say like, dude, don't be a chud, bro.

Pick up your stuff.

So that kind of worked.

I think he understood a little bit better what I was saying.

Okay, this is a fun one because...

He and I were kind of able to connect on this one.

I heard him say, W mom.

I paused for a second.

I was like, what did you just say?

Did you just give me a grade?

Or turns out he kind of like gave me a compliment.

A W is a win.

So if your kid says, W mom, give yourself a gold star because that's actually something positive.

And they never say anything positive to you anymore.

You did something right.

Maybe you bought them their favorite snack at the store.

So like I had come home from the store and I bought some Pringles and I was unloading it.

And he's like, oh, W mom, I love those.

And I'm like, oh, hey there.

Okay.

I'm doing things maybe okay.

Maybe you agree to drive them somewhere.

W mom.

Maybe you let them stay up a little bit later.

Oh, W mom.

It's kind of like a way of saying thanks.

That's cool.

I love it.

And he's been using it with like his friends and his brothers or like his dad.

He'll be like, oh yeah, W dad.

Honestly, I kind of like this one.

As a mom, we spend so much time wondering if we're doing enough for our kids.

And if I get a W mom every once in a while, I am taking it.

Because let's be honest, it's usually only last until I ask them to empty the dishwasher.

And then it's back to in a sec, bro.

Okay.

But anyways, I like turning this one around too.

Like Ronan did something when I asked him to.

I said, I'll tell you, Ronan.

That was awesome.

Way to go.

Okay.

So this one is not lingo.

This is something that they are very good at, and it's the endless negotiations.

Everything is a negotiation.

Hey, can you go take a shower?

I showered yesterday.

I didn't get that sweaty.

Yes, which is why it's time to shower again because we just came home from practice and you stink.

Do I have to wash my hair?

Yes.

Why?

Because I can literally smell you and see the grease across the room.

Or it's time for bed.

Bedtime is no longer like read books, brush our teeth, tuck you in.

It's like, oh, in a sec or one more video, or I got to finish this game, or I've got to do this, or, oh, I need a snack right now.

And not like the little kid snack, like a, mom, mom, I had a really hard practice and I need to have some protein.

I'm like, oh my gosh, everything is a negotiation.

Now, sometimes when you're talking to them, their humor doesn't really make any sense.

One of my favorite parts of raising teens is listening to them laugh with their friends.

Like, honestly, in the car ride, they were being super obnoxious, and I don't...

know what the heck they were talking about, but they were having so much fun.

I didn't get it.

Someone says one random word and everyone starts busting up laughing and everyone makes a weird sound and then there's more hysterical laughing.

A video shows like, oh God, this character, this toong, toong, toong, sohor guy, but he's doing the scuba and oh my gosh, it's so funny.

So when you see them in their element, you realize that Even though we don't understand what they're saying, we can see on their faces they're having a good time.

But the thing that surprises me the most is that even though they're trying so hard to be grown up, they're still kids in so many ways.

They still want their favorite meals.

They still want you to drive them everywhere.

They may not ask for hugs, but they still want to know that they are...

safe at home.

They still want help when they're feeling overwhelmed.

They still need reassurance.

They still want someone cheering them on.

And that part of being needed has not gone away.

I've learned something really important during this stage, and that's it's okay to still have conversations because sometimes the best conversations happen when we don't ask for them.

So A lot of times it's like, it's time for bed.

And then 20 minutes later, he comes out and he's like, I need to talk about something.

I have a question.

And whether it's he's stalling again, it's these are the moments where, okay, at 1030 at night, we're going to have this conversation.

We're going to talk about this thing.

One thing I've started doing is asking my son what some of these words mean instead of pretending like I know his language.

And honestly, it's kind of fun.

Like it's one little connection we can make.

He laughs when I use them wrong.

He corrects me.

You know, he says, oh my, you're so embarrassing.

But I mean, come on.

I'm trying to connect with you.

This is fun.

I think every stage of motherhood asks us to let go of something.

And with babies, we're letting go of sleep.

With toddlers, we're letting go of having a clean house.

With school -age kids, we let go of being their entire world.

And now with preteens, we begin letting go of being the center of everything.

And it's kind of bittersweet because while they're creating more physical distance from us, we have an opportunity to build something even stronger emotionally.

And that is a relationship where you can mutually trust each other.

We can have conversations.

We can laugh about things that aren't child -related.

Like Ronan and I can talk about things that go over his brother's heads a little bit.

They're becoming people that they're eventually going to be as adults.

And we get the privilege of watching it happen, even though we may spend all hours of the night worrying about them and wondering, will they ever come out of their room and join our family again?

They are transitioning to this new stage, and so are we.

So if you're raising a preteen right now, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone.

If your child disappears into their room the second they get home, you're not alone.

If every answer is bro, you're definitely not alone.

And if every request is met with in a second or in a sec, definitely not alone.

If you have no idea what buns and cheeks and twin, and I heard twine was also a word because I thought he spelled it wrong, but he's like, no, mom, twin and twine mean the same thing.

Welcome to the club.

This stage may be very confusing, but it's also full of lots of growth for our kids and for us.

Our job isn't to keep them little forever, even though sometimes we really want to.

It is slowly helping them become independent while reminding them that home is a safe place and they still do have boundaries even though they are pushing them to the limits right now.

Even if they only come downstairs long enough to grab a snack before disappearing into their room again, they are still part of this family.

All right.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

I hope this helps you decode a little bit or translate what they're saying to you.

If you laughed during this episode, send it to another mom who is currently trying to decode Gen Alpha one bra at a time.

And I'd love to hear from you over on Instagram.

What is the funniest or most confusing phrase your preteen has said lately?

I have a feeling by the time this episode airs, there'll already be 10 new words or phrases that I'm going to have to add to my new dictionary.

Until next time, remember that everyone burns their first pancake, so just keep flipping.